


15x08 CODA

by Taybay14



Series: Season 15 CODAs [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x08, All Hail the Queen, Angry Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel's tired of his shit, Coda, Dean's a stubborn idiot, Fighting, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Homophobic John Winchester mentioned, Homophobic Language, M/M, Season 15, Yelling, but quickly turns to angry fighting, fluff that's sort of funny, lots of emotion, lots of swearing, marriage counseling with auntie rowena, our father who aren't in heaven, rowena fixes things as they should have let her, saying things they don't mean, season 15 coda, that eventually turns into a happy ending, that quickly turns to your heart breaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21789007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taybay14/pseuds/Taybay14
Summary: Marriage counseling with Auntie Rowena
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Season 15 CODAs [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514210
Comments: 39
Kudos: 304





	15x08 CODA

**Author's Note:**

> The scene we all -- Castiel & Dean included -- deserved.

“Who wants to speak first?” Rowena asks with a knowing smile, crossing her legs and tilting her head. She has a notepad and a pen. One of her men had brought it to her upon request. There’s now a coffee table in between her throne and the two chairs Castiel and Dean are in. Tea is on one coaster, whiskey on the other. 

Sam has been sent off with a few of her men to look for Adam and Michael. It was never considered that Dean and Castiel would accompany him. The most likely explanation is that the two worked together on this. It’s a trap.

Dean looks out of the corner of his eye at Castiel. When Castiel’s chin jerks, Dean quickly looks away. 

Castiel looks at Dean for half a second, holding his breath, before his eyes dart elsewhere. 

Rowena releases a long, drawn out sigh. 

It reminds Dean of Crowley, which makes him smile. 

The smile disappears when Rowena fixes him with her gaze and says, “Dean, you’re the one that started this nonsense, so why don’t you go first?” 

“How do you know I’m the one who started it?” Dean asks defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s pretty sure he hears Castiel scoff under his breath. “What? You got somethin’ to say over there, feathers? Go ahead.”

“You know what, sure. Why not? Nothing left to lose anyway.” Castiel sits forward and looks at Rowena, putting a hand out like he’s explaining something. “You know it’s his fault because this is what Dean Winchester does. He pushes people away!”

“Oh, here we go,” Dean mutters, sitting back in his chair as he rolls his eyes. 

Castiel and Rowena ignore him. 

“There’s always an excuse with him! Always! It’s like one step forward, twenty steps back. It’s exhausting. I’m  _ exhausted _ . And yet here I am, Rowena. Here I am. His punching bag -  _ again _ . I thought I got away but nope. Here I am. Because he’s Dean. He’s - he’s  _ Dean _ .”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Dean shouts. “Hell yeah I’m me. No one asked you to come back. No one wants you here!”

“You want me here, Dean! You fucking want me here! You just can’t admit it!”

Dean shakes his head and laughs. It’s a cold, cruel sound. Castiel feels it in his bones. 

In the silence, Rowena does a slow clap. When she has both of their attention, she grins at Castiel and puffs up with pride. “Well, hello there, Castiel. That’s the angel I’ve heard so many legends about.”

Castiel puffs up too. He’s noticed that lately. He’s been more like his old self, but with an edge. It’s cut-throat and calculated, but not because he’s following orders and refusing to feel anything. Instead, it’s because of his emotions. Because of his humanity. Because he feels  _ everything _ . And it’s exhilarating - this difference. He wishes Dean could experience it with him. 

“Now Deanie boy, what do you have to say to Auntie Rowena about your lover’s concerns?”

If it bothers Dean that she calls Castiel his lover, he doesn’t show it. He just takes a sip of his whiskey and stares straight down at the glass like neither of them are even there. “I know my truth.” 

“Excuse me?” Rowena asks. 

“I know my truth.”

“Your truth…” Rowena looks over at Castiel, one eyebrow cocked. 

The angel is fuming. “Yes, Rowena. His truth. Dean Winchester’s truth. You haven’t experienced that yet? He gets it in his head that things should go a certain way.  _ Daddy said I shouldn’t talk about my feelings, so I won’t talk about them. Daddy said my job is to save other people, to take care of Sammy, so I’ll risk my life every fucking day because my life isn’t important. Daddy said-” _

“Stop it!” Dean growls. 

Castiel looks straight at him. There’s no malice in his tone. No hatred in his eyes. Just betrayal and desperation. And that’s so much worse for Dean. If he wasn’t so angry, he’d be sobbing. 

_ “Daddy said boys are supposed to be with girls - daddy said the fags are just as bad as the monsters - daddy said ‘if I ever catch you doin’ any of that faggot shit boy I’ll kick your ass so bad you’d wish you were dead.’”  _

“I never should have told you that you stupid son of a-”

_ “Daddy said,”  _ Castiel screams over Dean.  _ “I can’t love a boy, so I won’t let myself be happy and in love with Cas!” _

At some point, both of them had launched to their feet. They’re breathing heavily as they glare at each other without glaring at each other, because - god forbid - they look at each other yet, right? No. They’re still angry. 

Always so angry. 

“Now, now, my boys.” Rowena gives them both scolding looks. Castiel collapses back into his seat. Dean turns his back to them, putting his hands on his waist and hanging his head. “Castiel, why don’t you try explaining yourself a wee bit nicer, yes? Perhaps while leaving John Winchester out?”

Castiel sighs heavily. He stares at the ground for a very long time. Long enough for Dean’s anger to simmer and cool. For it to morph into a deep, empty kind of longing that clogs his throat and burns his eyes. 

“I just thought we finally had it,” Castiel whispers after an eternity. “Things were calming down. Mary was back and adjusted. The three of them got to have some closure with John. Jack had solidified our family. I - I was a father. Dean and I were fathers, and we were  _ happy _ , and I felt-” Castiel cuts himself off, clearing his throat a few times like he was about to start crying. 

Which he was, but no one will point that out. 

Surprisingly, it’s not Rowena who pushes Castiel further. 

It’s Dean. 

“You felt what?” he whispers, turning toward the sound of his lover’s voice. Because that’s who he is. Castiel. His lover. He always has been. Always will be. 

“I felt loved.” Castiel looks away from Dean, turning so his entire face is hidden. “I was stupid. It was stupid.”

Dean’s knees weaken and he falls back in his chair. 

Rowena sits forward in her throne. She waits. And waits. 

And waits. 

And waits.

Dean wipes a hand down his face and looks away. He grabs his whiskey and takes a long sip. 

Castiel wants to drink his tea but his hands are violently shaking and he’s terrified he’ll spill.

“Oh for hell’s sake!” Rowena yells in exasperation. “The world is comin’ to an end! God - literally  _ god  _ \- is the enemy right now. Whatever the issue is here, fix it. Look at the angel, my boy. He’s devastated.”

For the first time in… so damn long, Dean openly looks at Castiel. His breath catches at the base of his throat as he takes in the details he’s been purposely glossing over lately. It all shows in his eyes. The bags beneath them. The way they struggle to flutter back open after each blink. The dull blue that used to shine as bright as his grace. The red rims. The tears. 

Dean cradles his head in his hands. 

_ Fix it. _

That's what she keeps saying. That’s what Sam said a few times too. Even Eileen once. Jody a ton of times, considering she sends almost daily texts asking if Dean’s ‘fixed it’ with Castiel yet. 

Jack asks Dean in his dreams. 

Mary asks Dean whenever he looks in the mirror and sees her eyes in his face. 

It’s all tangled. All of his grief and joy and emptiness and hope and betrayal and depression and hopelessness and confusion and rage and terror and love.  _ So much love _ , all tangled in with everything else, and Dean doesn’t know how to fix it. He doesn’t know if he even can. 

Overwhelmed, Dean accidentally admits out loud, “I don’t know how. I - I don’t know if it’s fixable anymore.”

Surprisingly, Castiel speaks up. "If it's fixable, or of I'm forgivable?" 

"Cas," Dean looks up at him, tears in his eyes. It feels so good to say his name again. To look at him. To speak to him. No wonder these past few weeks have been hell. He was shutting out the one person he needed the most. "There's nothing to forgive."

"But - but I failed you."

"No."

"I messed up."

" _ No _ ."

"Dean, it was my fault your mom-"

"No, Cas! No. Just - no. All of that was a fucking lie. I was an idiot. I was pissed at Chuck and frustrated with Jack and then mom died and then Jack died and I just - I shoved you away." Dean leans his elbows on his knees and hangs his head. "If anyone needs to be forgiven, it's me." 

The silence is suffocating. 

Rowena doesn't let it last. 

"Castiel?" 

"Yes?" Castiel whispers, his voice thick with unshed tears. 

"I think Dean needs to hear you say you forgive him."

Dean shakes his head. "No, no, he doesn't have to-"

"Of course I forgive you." When he senses someone in front of him, Dean looks up. Castiel is standing with the toes of his shoes against those of Dean's boots. He runs a gentle hand through Dean's hair and they both hum under their breath in relief. Dean's not even embarrassed when he nuzzles the palm of Castiel's hand once he cups Dean's cheek with it. 

Dean looks into Castiel's eyes. They're brighter now. Dean focuses on that and breathes out his truth.  _ His  _ truth. No one else’s. "We are, Cas.  _ We are _ ."

Castiel's knees buckle and he lowers to the ground. His hands rest on Dean's knees and Dean leans forward, resting his forehead against Castiel's. He gently cups the back of the angels head and kisses him. It's soft. Tentative. Brimming with love.

When they have to break apart for Dean to breathe, their foreheads continue to stay pressed together. Castiel is nearly panting as he looks into the bright green eyes of the man he gripped tight and raised from perdition. Two daddy's boys who never believed they were worthy of love. Now here they are, so many years later. They may be in the same place, but so much has changed. 

They've changed each other. 

They changed  _ together.  _

Castiel smiles. "I love you too, Dean." 

And neither of them hear it, but Rowena walks out of the room with a smug, “And my work here is done.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to follow me on tumblr @ destiel-love-forever (:


End file.
